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Dating really sucks. A much more exciting option than boring bar trivia or monotonous movie nights would probably be to walk on the wild side, and do one of these totally illegal things that we in no way, shape, or form, condone.

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The date: Step 1, wait for winter. Probably some sort of man-law involving emasculating. How to pull ses off despite us very clearly advising against it: The legal way would be to become a resident of The Walkway.

Unabashedly doing a bro-like thing in Uptown. Strap a Camelback bladder full of vodka to your upper thigh. Buy a gigantic, souvenier cup of Mountain Minnsota.

Repeat as needed. Public intoxication.

Flagrant violation of park rules. Eat dinner in your own personal Fortress of Solitude, behind frozen Minnehaha Falls.

How to do this thing that is so against the law that we are practically begging you not to do sex dating in Minneapolis Minnesota Have, uh, fun, in the Champagne room. How to pull it off despite our explicit statements of disapproval: Take your date to a bar with a good Champagne list.

Proceed with caution.

Are you even listening to us anymore?! Indecent exposure.

Lewd behavior. Copyright infringement from a Chris Rock Minnapolis, probably. Present your significant other with a dozen roses you picked.

How to pull it off despite repeated threats to report you to authorities: Walk around Lake Harriet later in the evening.

Wait here under this light while I run pack to grab it. Intentional damage to public property. Chapstick, vape, baked into sweets -- nudist dates are a million and one ways to keep it on the DL nowadays.

Lack of faith that a day at MOA could be fun enough to provide you with natural good times. Drive a truck with muddy tires around Minnetonka, then stop for dinner.

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